Afraid and running away
I know this is going to sound weird, but if I don’t say it, it will always be in the background of my year trying to encourage and understand how to be master of life on earth, sky and sea.
You see, when one obtains a close relationship with God, and He begins to mentor and develop a leadership character within, there comes a day when He calls to ask us to do something.
It is that call that scares the living … out of me.
I have been so close to Him and all of a sudden I pull away because I am afraid of that call. Take a look at what I see in the Bible. Abraham has to leave his entire family, Noah has to build a boat and for 120 years or so endure the laughter of his neighbours, King David ran most of his life, Jonah took off, Jeremiah couldn’t be married, Hosea had to marry a prostitute, Isaiah had to do stuff, Ezekiel crazy stuff and then there are others today.
Some have gone to work in the Garbage Village of Cairo, or in Mumbai – others past the Arctic Circle, others to Mongolia or Papua New Guinea. Some have to carry a large wooden cross around the world, others have to stand up in a bus and proclaim the gospel and the list goes on.
At the end of the day, it’s all about trust. I do not trust God to look out for me and so I keep in control of the situation and do not allow Him to get too near so that I actually cannot hear the call – in fact – I am running away.
Deep down I know that He is preparing me for the task for which He is calling me and that when the call comes, it will be something I would lay my life down for. What makes it harder is that one of my youth, a 16-year-old boy, shared with me that he does not want to get too close to God because he is afraid that God will call him into ministry and his parents are totally against that – choosing between God and his parents is too great a task and he knows he will choose his parents over God and that will devastate him. What do I tell him when I myself am running away from that same task?
Lord, before this year is out, if I am truly going to lead in the areas you have called me to lead, I have to stop being afraid and I need to stop running away. A new, healthier fear may be the thought that if I don’t, I might be swallowed by a whale 🙂